I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
