K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
