Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
