is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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