it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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