Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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