What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
