i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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