I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
