This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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