I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
