I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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