I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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