i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
