I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
