Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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