they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
