I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
