I am puke
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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