last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
