well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
