Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
