So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
