dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
