i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
