I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
