its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
