I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
