We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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