My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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