I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
