Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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