I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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