I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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