i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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