haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I just put wine in my tea
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
