Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
