If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
