my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
