If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
