Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
