her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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