walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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