Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
