Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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