You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
