somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
