I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have fence marks all over my body
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
