go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
