my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
