no, he came in my armpit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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