Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We need to rekindle our bromance
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
