You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
