Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
