I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
